The end of normal-my world was blank..(post.2)

Scanxiety-who have ever even heard of it and little did I know on the afternoon of Friday December 9, 2016 I would be defining it.

The morning started off like any others-getting the kids fed and ready for school when I heard "Mommy I don't feel very good" I did the quick mom assessment to see if this was a ploy to just stay home from school or if something was really up. Temperature fine, no glaring symptoms-check. Plan B-distract with asking questions about school, seeing if there was something going on at school he wasn't comfortable with. Next I told him to go to school and if he was still feeling yucky I would pick him up. He then started crying saying he feels dizzy, he feels dizzy all the time! This was very out of character for Cooper-he never complained and was not easily kept down by a little bug. I then remembered a week back I noticed a bit of a side step. Trying to not freak out I assumed he would end up with a cute pair of glasses (like daddy had when he was 6!) I proactively made an appointment with the opthalmologists and then headed off the our pediatrician for an overall assessment.

The pediatrician did all the basics and added a few other balance type of assessments. After a brief absence she returned to let me know she thought it would be a good idea to go to the eye doctor right away instead of waiting. This made me nervous but I think my coping mechanism kicked in and thought ok still a glasses issue. I was unaware of any conversations the pediatrician and ophthalmologist had prior to Cooper being seen, but urgency rung a bit as we entered the office. After I quick assessment, she saw his optic nerves were inflamed and the cause was pressure from the brain and we should plan on heading directly down to childrens for an MRI to see the cause. Full on panic set in, I went into go mode, not really feeling like I had full control of my body, I was able to get home grab Coopers sister off the bus and get a message to their dad, who was out of town on business, I am heading to Children's hospital for an MRI, please come home now, this is not good.

RECALLING THESE DETAILS AND WRITING THEM DOWN IS A BIT THERAPEUTIC BUT VERY EMOTIONAL, IT QUICKLY BRINGS TO BACK TO IT--ALL OF IT.

Waiting for a lifetime in an isolated room-the door slowly opened. The doctor stood at the door with the worst news any parent could ever hear-a mass was found in your sons brain. I lost all control of my ability to breath-feeling every drop of blood leaving my body as I fell to the floor. My world was blank-I was numb. My husband living his own personal hell trying to quickly get back into town.